I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
