Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
