why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
