he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
