he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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