I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize