I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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