some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
