It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
