She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you traded sex for a burrito?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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