we have pet lesbian snakes
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
