when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
