So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
