The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
