Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
