Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
