I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
