How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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