you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
