Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
