and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
