I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
