he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
