the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
