I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize