he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
