i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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