I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
3pm strippers are depressing
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
