i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
