so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
