2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
