i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
