Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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