So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
