Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
