I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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