2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
