I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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