Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
