Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
