halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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