I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You took a bar mat shot.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
