You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
