he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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