So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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