She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
