You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
