I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
