My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
