I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize