Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
