And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
