oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
ttyl tear gas
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
