The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
