Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I intend to get homeless drunk
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
