do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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