i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
