i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
