One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
