my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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