I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
