As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
another moral hangover. fuck.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
