i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
