It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
