Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
