1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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