I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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