Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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