Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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