I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
